I was an Account Executive at a gorgeous place when I was younger. I did Weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Showers, All Manner of Life Cycle Event and Golf Tournaments along with the Golf Event Guy (ugh, Tourneys amirite?)

I was in the middle of Entree Service at a 400 person Wedding when the Videographer comes up and asks for his meal, no problem, I send someone to get it for him and they gave him his meal. No biggy.

I assess the nearest bar and and then start to head down to the basement to get some more booze. Videographer appears beside me in the stairwell, angry looking with his full plate of food in hand and proceeds to drop the plate into the garbage while staring into my eyes and not looking away (cray!) He tells me that he is not eating Chicken Picatta and Pesto Pasta, because thats what the Children are being fed. I apologize and explain that my Banquet Event Order (the map of the night essentially) says all Vendors get Chicken and Pasta because its what the Bride specifically decided on and what was paid for. I show him the paper and point to her signature at the bottom and ask if maybe he wants a Vegetarian Lasagna?

He screams in my face insisting he was supposed to get Steak and Lobster like the invited Guests, nobody else is around me so I'm on my own for the moment. I try to present as Head Bitch In Charge, I open my clamshell binder thingy (a solemn Trapper Keeper really) and select a copy of HIS signed Contract with the Bride and Groom that clearly stated Chicken and Pasta with Salad as his Entree. I show him this paper and point to his signature at the bottom of it. Now he is turning red, he snatches it out of my hand and rushes past me and says he's going to the Head Table to get the Newlyweds to set me straight.

Whaaaaaaaat!? You don't do that. You never do that. You don't go to the Bride and Groom with any issues at all, you come TO ME. Thats what I am there for.


I follow him as unobtrusively as I can, but he marches straight across the Dance Floor. You can't not see him! I make my way around as fast as I could without making more of a scene and tell him its highly unprofessional to cause a commotion during service and try to get him away from the front of the room. He complains to the Bride and Groom over the front of the table that I wasn't serving him Surf and Turf, right away the Bride says no they decided on Chicken and Pasta together at one of their meetings. Groom just nods like a bobblehead doll, he doesn't know a things about the Contracts.

Videographer demands over and over that they purchase him a meal, it's painfully clear to me the Bride is NOT having it and now she is beginning to notice people are watching this whole thing. I hiss at him to go sit at the Vendor Table and that I will take care of it, anything to get him away from the Head Table! The Bride is angry, she can't believe the shit he's pulling in the middle of her WEDDING RECEPTION (I am having palpitations now, because nothing has ever gone this wrong before, I've never lost control.) She sees this and tells me its not my fault, but not to back down and that she'll fire his ass if he continues or comes back. I assure her, with a wink that I am going to prepare him a "special meal" and she calms down, realizes what I am saying, smiles and says three words:

"Do your worst."

I walk into the Kitchen and once the door swings closed, I storm over to the organics garbage, spitting blood and cursing. The Executive Chef wants to know what the problem is (my Staff have been reporting a disturbance at the Head Table) so I explain about the asshole Videographer harassing the Bride during the meal. Chef brings me a clean plate and gloves and helps me root through the plate scrapings for a passable tail and a steak, we even fish his vegetables out of there. Mind you, this is a dedicated bin for nothing but food, so its not like floor sweepings and bandaids were in this garbage, just food the Guests hadn't finished off their plates.


Chef arranges it all nicely, runs it through the Salamander and sprinkles some parsley on the plate to complete the presentation. I personally deliver that fuckers meal myself. I smile a horribly sweet smile and set it down real nice in front of him and before I can say anything he tells me:

"See, you're nothing but a Waitress dressed up in a suit and heels after all. I told you I'd get the fucking steak and lobster, you should have listened to me in the first place and saved yourself the embarrassment up there."

Any shred of guilt I had was gone, the only thing I regretted at that point was not having run the steak around the rim of a toilet (it happens.) I turn on my heel and walk elegantly back to the Kitchen and stand next to the Executive Chef. Together we watch that asshole eat other people's offcasts from the garbage and everything is the way it should be.


It took a LOT of restraint for me not to pull off my left slingback and jam the fucking heel into his ear when he told me I was nothing but a Waitress in a suit. If the band hadn't been playing, everyone would have heard my teeth grinding to bits and my eyes audibly narrowing in my head.

I may have even clenched out an anger fart too, who can be sure, my pantyhose were divine but oppressive.

Never mess with the bitch who is in charge of feeding you, especially if she is a mega bitch like I am. And never cause a scene with a "Well Connected Italian Family's" Daughter at her gods damned Wedding!


She never paid him for his services and he was very lucky thats all they did. I always made sure to steer people away from his company after that as well, he lost a fair bit of business from nasty reviews and my spreading the word that he lost his shit in the middle of an Event.

I am so glad I am not in the Hospitality Industry any more. Its always a shit show behind the scenes.

That was me, righteously fucking with someones food.